Thursday, February 10, 2011

Fantastic New Ab Workout

A: Forget eight minute abs. Forget Seven minute abs. Hell even forget five minute abs. I have found a modern secret from the east that can give you that tight tummy for bikini season.

B: What tight and toned abs? I must be joking.

A: No I'm not joking. That's right I'm talking about having a nice Black Swan ballerina body like Natalie Portman or Jersey Shore parm grater.

Yes that's right, with my simple three step ab plan, you can get a job as a cheese boy in an Italian restaurant in no time. Just imagine being hailed to a table where you take of your shirt to shave a little Romano off of your stomach to brighten up a Caesar salad.

B: What abs like a ballerina or The Situation? That's crazy I bet you have to pay over a thousand dollars a week to pay for a personal trainer who makes you where a wet suit while walking on a treadmill.

A: No all you need is about five bucks and a place to go.

B: Five bucks and a place to go? Now I really don't believe you.

A: Just follow three easy steps and you can both get to a destination and get a great ab workout!

B: But How?

A: Step one: Live in Korea.

B: Hey I live in Korea.

A: Step two: Hail a cab.

B: Okay.

A: Step three: Ride in a cab.

B: Now I'm confused.

A: It's really not that confusing at all. You see, in 1975 the Korean government consolidated the ministry taxi driving with the office of national health and wellness. The combination lead to the development of a driving style called pulsating progression. The principle is simple really. The cab driver gives the passenger a fantastic ab workout by tailgating other cars and breaking as frequently as possible. Now it might seem senseless to the uninitiated as to why someone in their right mind would insist on following other cars at a distance of less than a quarter a car length, or why red lights need to be accelerated up to for a quick stop, but they fail to realize the health benefits.

B: Wow I never thought of that.

A: Yes, studies have shown that riding in a taxi flattens stomachs more effectively than eating ginseng candy and clapping your hands to the front and back while walking up mountains.

B: No!

A: Yes.

B: Could it be more effective than doing arm and hip rotations in the park?

A: Yes even more effective than wearing exercise clothes and walking backwards.

B: No way.

A: Way.


Anonymous said...

Excellent. You sum it up with class!

Anonymous said...

Excellent. You sum it up with class!

Anonymous said...

Excellent! Been there but unfortunately I still have a one pack.