Seoul, South Korea
"Yeah, I'm a vegan, but come on it's taco bell. I haven't seen one of these things in like four months, that's how long I have lived in Korea." Kimmie Swain said this as she was entering the new Taco Bell in Seoul's Itaewan district.
The new Taco Bell has been met with a sense of bliss among many in the Korea expat community. Brian Jorgansen, a New Hampshire native had this to say, "Yeah I like worked at a hagwon for two years, but I went home because for western food in Seoul there was just you know McDonalds, Burger King, Pizza Hut, Kraze Burger, Dominoes, a lot of little places where you could spaghetti, Quiznos, Starbucks, KFC, Popeye's, Mom's touch, but no Taco Bell. After I heard about Taco Bell I went on Dave's and found a job at an academy outside of Itewon. Working in Korea is going to rule now."
Taco Bell doesn't just have expats excited though, a Korean who just went by the name Lee mentioned his excitement too. "Finally, I can eat spicy food that isn't Korea. Do you know that Korea's food is the spiciest in the world? I used to think that other country's foods weren't as spicy as Korea, but then I had food at Taco Bell and now my palate is happy. I can now eat spicy food from other countries during the summer. I like to eat hot and spicy food during the summer because one time I ate an ice cream cone when I was hot and I ended up spending a month in the hospital. Then the next summer I had a bowl of cold noodles and after that I just didn't want to eat anything for four hours. It was obvious that I had lost my appetite from eating something cold. But with Taco bell, I can eat hot food in the summer so that I don't get sick.
Not everyone is happy about the new Taco Bell, though. North Korean leader Kim Jeong Ill was reported to have gone completely bananas over the announcement of the new Taco Bell. The KCNA in Japan has reported that Kim Jeong Ill has once again vowed to "wash the faces of South Koreans in their own blood and tears."
Lee Myung Bak, in an announcement to parliament outlined the programming for the speakers that will be placed at the boarder, "Yeah we pretty much decided on playing Detroit's 94.7 WSCX, twenty four hours of classic rock is WSCX sexy!! Hell yeah, those mother f*ckers in the north are gonna get a double even triple doses of fog hat and the Nuge. Let freedom ring bitches. Kim Jeong Ill, an avid fan of classic rock from the 60s,70s, and even today expressed his dismay over the Taco Bell ads that start with that bell sound, and end with those guys singing that annoying song about making a run for the boarder.
Kim Jeong Ill was quoted from his underwater AIDS research center in Beaktu San. "I mean this is complete bullshit. The only people that can leave this country are my kidnapped Japanese chefs who I am going to send to taco bell to pick up some chalupas. I cannot believe this, now the puppet regime to the south is now broadcasting this shit on the boarder. Down town Seoul will burn in flames so hot that the ghosts will burn. And get this fucking Naengmyeon out of my face, It's July asshole. Don't you know that if you eat cold food in the summer you get syphilis? Bring me some Teoboki in a piping hot Ddookbaegi that is being heated over an open flame, also close the windows and bring me a sweater."
Later when we caught up with Kimmie Swain, she seemed somewhat disappointed. "Yeah, back home I never really went to Taco Bell, I pretty much forgot how gross it was. I mean I remember my friend telling me that the meat that they serve at taco bell is a grade below what they use for dog food. I totally forgot about that and now I have a stomachache, probably not as bad as the stomachache that I would have gotten if I drank a glass of cold water, but a stomachache nonetheless."
Friday, July 16, 2010
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Tips for Surviving the Rainy Season
The Korean media and expat blogosphere have been abuzz with many ways of beating the heat in the summer. I would like to remind my readers though that Korean summers aren't just massive heatwaves, there is also the monsoon part of the Korean summer that is happening just about now. So as a service to many newbies to Korea who have probably never experienced rain before, I would like to provide some pointers on how to stay dry.
1. Don't go outside.
2. If you are inside and you are nearby an open window and it is raining, close it.
3. If you do go outside take an umbrella.
4. They have these things called rain coats that help keep you dry as well.
5. If you want to go somewhere, don't walk, take a car.
6. If you don't have a raincoat or umbrella, just go naked. One of the worst parts of being in the rain is getting your clothes wet.
7. If you do happen to get wet, change your clothes and use towel when you get home.
8. Eat Samgyupsal.
9. Drink Maggeoli and eat Pajun.
10. If you don't have any Samgyupsal, Maggeoli, or pajun, just eat something greasy like pizza, fried chicken, or Chinese food. You can have either of those things delivered making the poor bastard who has to deliver those things get wet. (Poor bastard also has to refuse tips.)
11. If you are in love with some woman who doesn't care about you, or who has chosen to be with someone else, get dressed up in a suit and stand in the rain while crying. Your eyes cannot produce enough tears to fully display your misery so sometimes you need mother nature's help.
12. If you are in love with some woman who thinks that you are a humorless uptight prat, show her that you are nothing of the sort by going out into the rain without an umbrella to show her your "down to earth side."
13. If you are an environmentalist who wants to show the dangers of acid rain; wear a paper outfit and allow the rain to dissolve it away.
14. If you are outside, go inside.
15. Get under something.
1. Don't go outside.
2. If you are inside and you are nearby an open window and it is raining, close it.
3. If you do go outside take an umbrella.
4. They have these things called rain coats that help keep you dry as well.
5. If you want to go somewhere, don't walk, take a car.
6. If you don't have a raincoat or umbrella, just go naked. One of the worst parts of being in the rain is getting your clothes wet.
7. If you do happen to get wet, change your clothes and use towel when you get home.
8. Eat Samgyupsal.
9. Drink Maggeoli and eat Pajun.
10. If you don't have any Samgyupsal, Maggeoli, or pajun, just eat something greasy like pizza, fried chicken, or Chinese food. You can have either of those things delivered making the poor bastard who has to deliver those things get wet. (Poor bastard also has to refuse tips.)
11. If you are in love with some woman who doesn't care about you, or who has chosen to be with someone else, get dressed up in a suit and stand in the rain while crying. Your eyes cannot produce enough tears to fully display your misery so sometimes you need mother nature's help.
12. If you are in love with some woman who thinks that you are a humorless uptight prat, show her that you are nothing of the sort by going out into the rain without an umbrella to show her your "down to earth side."
13. If you are an environmentalist who wants to show the dangers of acid rain; wear a paper outfit and allow the rain to dissolve it away.
14. If you are outside, go inside.
15. Get under something.
JYP's Latest Girl Band Steals from the Maury Povich Show
This is J.Y.P.'s new girl band Miss A. I kind of like the beats in the beginning. They don't sing great but they sound better than the Wonder Girls when they sing live. (Don't get me started on the Wonder Girls Live.)
Plagerism in the K-pop community pops up quite often. K-pop artists borrow baselines quite frequently, without paying for them.
But I can't forgive Miss A for stealing from America's troubled youthes. For nearly a decade America's out of controll teens have gone on day time talk shows to tell us one thing and one thing only; that we don't know them ******** you I had sex with all of them ********** you don't know me.
It makes me sad these troubled children can't even keep their own universal catch phrase.
On a different note. I often worry about raising children in Korea because the teachers beat students, and the traffic is incredibly frieghtening. When I worry about those things, I should just watch these clips, and worry about what kind of monsters I might spawn if I raise kids in America.
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
A Real Tip for Something that you Should do Before Coming to Korea
Bring a fire alarm.
They are hard to find here, and there have been a few cases of English teachers who have died in fires.
The post "Ultimate Korea Survivor Guide," was kind of a joke based on something I read on another blog, but I'm serious here.
I don't make some kind of "All Koreans," statement where I condemn the entire society, but I have seen some a few outstanding cases of negligence in fire safety.
I should point out that most meat grilling places probably wouldn't fly in America because of both the raw meat and the burning charcoal (commie socialist country dominated by OSHA.) I over look these because 고기 집들 are always fun.
But I have lived in at least two dormitories in Korea were the front doors were chained closed with bicycle locks. Someone challenged the director of the dormitory at the university where I worked that in case of a fire, chaining the dormitory door shut is probably a stupid idea. The director's response was that since the doors were glass, somebody could just break the door down and everything will be hunky dory....
Then there is the other thing that I have noticed; smoke alarms are almost impossible to get here. I asked my wife where you can get a smoke alarm and she didn't know. We went to Top Mart and Homeplus in search of smoke alarms too. When asked why they didn't have smoke alarms the people who worked there said something about how most apartment buildings already have fire systems. That is "apartment buildings," not one or two room buildings, where many English teachers and working class Koreans live.
So if you want to come to Korea and want to do all that you can, to protect yourself from burning to death in a fire that is cause by some asshole throwing his cigarette but mindlessly to the ground, go to a Wall mart or something and pick up a smoke alarm. Hell, pick up twenty smoke alarms and try to sell them to other people.
They are hard to find here, and there have been a few cases of English teachers who have died in fires.
The post "Ultimate Korea Survivor Guide," was kind of a joke based on something I read on another blog, but I'm serious here.
I don't make some kind of "All Koreans," statement where I condemn the entire society, but I have seen some a few outstanding cases of negligence in fire safety.
I should point out that most meat grilling places probably wouldn't fly in America because of both the raw meat and the burning charcoal (commie socialist country dominated by OSHA.) I over look these because 고기 집들 are always fun.
But I have lived in at least two dormitories in Korea were the front doors were chained closed with bicycle locks. Someone challenged the director of the dormitory at the university where I worked that in case of a fire, chaining the dormitory door shut is probably a stupid idea. The director's response was that since the doors were glass, somebody could just break the door down and everything will be hunky dory....
Then there is the other thing that I have noticed; smoke alarms are almost impossible to get here. I asked my wife where you can get a smoke alarm and she didn't know. We went to Top Mart and Homeplus in search of smoke alarms too. When asked why they didn't have smoke alarms the people who worked there said something about how most apartment buildings already have fire systems. That is "apartment buildings," not one or two room buildings, where many English teachers and working class Koreans live.
So if you want to come to Korea and want to do all that you can, to protect yourself from burning to death in a fire that is cause by some asshole throwing his cigarette but mindlessly to the ground, go to a Wall mart or something and pick up a smoke alarm. Hell, pick up twenty smoke alarms and try to sell them to other people.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Mexican Food
Many folks in the blogging community seem to be excited about the new Taco Bell up in Seoul. If you are like me and enjoy Mexican food, but you live 3 and a half hours away from Seoul, here are some old posts on how to make homemade tortillas and taco meat. Hopefully this post can save you from feeling like a looser who spent up to 8 hours in a quest to eat at Taco Bell.
Korea Ultimate Survivor Guide
Ten tips for living in Korea.
1. The first thing that you want to do if you are an English teacher in Korea is get a place to live. Most of the time your employer will provide a place for you to live, but if they don't you might want to prepare some money (Anywhere from between 5 million won if you want to pay the security deposit and live in a small town one room, to ten billion won if you want to live somewhere in Gangnam.) If you don't want to shell out that kind of money, there are many mountaineering and camping stores where you can probably buy a tent and live in a mountain. One nice thing about living in Korea is the fact that sometimes rustic mountain areas are quite close to highly urban areas so you can pitch a tent in many different places and catch the bus to work every morning. If you live in a big city, you could try living in the many different subway stations, or if you live in a city with a river, you could probably find a bridge to live under. Note, I do not advocate taking a homeless lifestyle in Korea since 99.999% of the jobs provide housing and your co-workers will probably complain about your smell. (Well you could also establish a network of public baths to sleep in as well, that way you will at least get clean.)
2. The second best thing to do is to feed yourself regularly. Most people die if they don't eat. Korea has many restaurants and grocery stores throughout the country so you can take advantage of those. If you don't want to do that, Korea is also blessed with many kilometers of natural coast, so you could fish for your food. If you want to teach English yet subsist as a hunter gatherer, you might try finding a school near a coast or a river. Land is expensive in Korea so for many English teachers, farming or herding is out of the question, however if you do, the government offers many subsidiaries to those who choose that life style.
3. Don't walk too far north. There is a murderous criminal regime to the north of South Korea. Luckily the boarder is heavily armed with many soldiers so if you see a whole bunch of guys in camouflage with guns, and they start yelling and shooting at you, you might be wise to turn around. There is a northern sea line limit too. For all of my readers who engage in the hobby of sextant navigation, it might be a good idea to bring along a G.P.S.
4. Learn some Korean. Here are a few useful expressions: 고양이 젖 어디에 살수있입니까? (Where can I buy cat milk?) 너무 무서웠어. 섬뜨하던데. (It was really scary. It really gave me the creeps.) 안영 개새끼야 (Hello you son of a bitch [not a common expression])
5. Find out the requirements to get a Visa and get one. Most countries don't let you work internationally if you don't have Visa.
6. Be nice to people. You probably won't make many friends if you try to punch as many people as you can in the face, but if you do, make sure that you knock them out so that others fear you.
7. If you get sick see a doctor or something. If you are from America, you will find that the Korean medical system is both cheap and convenient. If you are from the U.K. or any country that isn't America you might find it odd that you have to pay when you go to the doctor. Anyway seeing a doctor is usually a pretty good way of overcoming an illness, or at least helping to find what is wrong with you.
8. When you leave your house, tent, apartment, number 4 exit at the Apgujungdong station, mountain tree house, or underwater research facility, try to wear clothing. Korea is a conservative society that has little tolerance for nudist professionals.
9. Koreans do eat dogs, but it isn't like some big-dog-free for all. If a co-teacher invites you over to their house for dinner, use your emerald encrusted daggers to impress the children by teaching them how to carve hobo symbols, not by butchering their lhasa apso.
10. If you were hired as an English teacher, you should teach English. You might be a financial planner back in your own country, but even though people should start saving money when they are young, it might not be a good idea to use your class time to give kindergarten students advice on managing their 401ks. I know sometimes it is appropriate, like when the kids ask questions about asset allocation, but you should try not to get distracted from the topic of the day. If a lesson is about the past tense, there usually isn't any reason to start talking about appropriate ratios of bonds to stocks.
From the title of this post, I might get some traffic to this site, kind of pissed that I don't have adsense. Anyhoo happy Koreaing.
1. The first thing that you want to do if you are an English teacher in Korea is get a place to live. Most of the time your employer will provide a place for you to live, but if they don't you might want to prepare some money (Anywhere from between 5 million won if you want to pay the security deposit and live in a small town one room, to ten billion won if you want to live somewhere in Gangnam.) If you don't want to shell out that kind of money, there are many mountaineering and camping stores where you can probably buy a tent and live in a mountain. One nice thing about living in Korea is the fact that sometimes rustic mountain areas are quite close to highly urban areas so you can pitch a tent in many different places and catch the bus to work every morning. If you live in a big city, you could try living in the many different subway stations, or if you live in a city with a river, you could probably find a bridge to live under. Note, I do not advocate taking a homeless lifestyle in Korea since 99.999% of the jobs provide housing and your co-workers will probably complain about your smell. (Well you could also establish a network of public baths to sleep in as well, that way you will at least get clean.)
2. The second best thing to do is to feed yourself regularly. Most people die if they don't eat. Korea has many restaurants and grocery stores throughout the country so you can take advantage of those. If you don't want to do that, Korea is also blessed with many kilometers of natural coast, so you could fish for your food. If you want to teach English yet subsist as a hunter gatherer, you might try finding a school near a coast or a river. Land is expensive in Korea so for many English teachers, farming or herding is out of the question, however if you do, the government offers many subsidiaries to those who choose that life style.
3. Don't walk too far north. There is a murderous criminal regime to the north of South Korea. Luckily the boarder is heavily armed with many soldiers so if you see a whole bunch of guys in camouflage with guns, and they start yelling and shooting at you, you might be wise to turn around. There is a northern sea line limit too. For all of my readers who engage in the hobby of sextant navigation, it might be a good idea to bring along a G.P.S.
4. Learn some Korean. Here are a few useful expressions: 고양이 젖 어디에 살수있입니까? (Where can I buy cat milk?) 너무 무서웠어. 섬뜨하던데. (It was really scary. It really gave me the creeps.) 안영 개새끼야 (Hello you son of a bitch [not a common expression])
5. Find out the requirements to get a Visa and get one. Most countries don't let you work internationally if you don't have Visa.
6. Be nice to people. You probably won't make many friends if you try to punch as many people as you can in the face, but if you do, make sure that you knock them out so that others fear you.
7. If you get sick see a doctor or something. If you are from America, you will find that the Korean medical system is both cheap and convenient. If you are from the U.K. or any country that isn't America you might find it odd that you have to pay when you go to the doctor. Anyway seeing a doctor is usually a pretty good way of overcoming an illness, or at least helping to find what is wrong with you.
8. When you leave your house, tent, apartment, number 4 exit at the Apgujungdong station, mountain tree house, or underwater research facility, try to wear clothing. Korea is a conservative society that has little tolerance for nudist professionals.
9. Koreans do eat dogs, but it isn't like some big-dog-free for all. If a co-teacher invites you over to their house for dinner, use your emerald encrusted daggers to impress the children by teaching them how to carve hobo symbols, not by butchering their lhasa apso.
10. If you were hired as an English teacher, you should teach English. You might be a financial planner back in your own country, but even though people should start saving money when they are young, it might not be a good idea to use your class time to give kindergarten students advice on managing their 401ks. I know sometimes it is appropriate, like when the kids ask questions about asset allocation, but you should try not to get distracted from the topic of the day. If a lesson is about the past tense, there usually isn't any reason to start talking about appropriate ratios of bonds to stocks.
From the title of this post, I might get some traffic to this site, kind of pissed that I don't have adsense. Anyhoo happy Koreaing.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Salad Is Pretty Awsome!!!
I guess the title pretty much says everything. Anyhoo, down in Jinju there is this new bakery called the 양우연 캐익 하우스. (Yang Woo Yeon Cake House) Cakes and breads there are pretty nice. I have even asked my wife to get me a cheesecake from there for my birthday. I have a long running tradition to eat cheesecake and pizzas on my birthday. If I have a litter of half Korean children, I hope that when I die, to commemorate my Jessa, they smear cheesecake and pizza on my headstone.
Anyhoo (2nd anyhoo) last week I picked up a baguette from there because of the spaghetti that I made that day or the next. After a few days of being out in the open the baguette has gotten a bit crusty.
No problem!
Saturday I cut a few pieces of the baguette into squares, applied some olive oil, onion powder, salt, pepper, and threw them in the toaster oven. Viola....croutons!!!!!
Saturday I made a nice salad for lunch with the croutons, and did the same for today's lunch. I have been trying to eat salads for lunch for the last few weeks in an attempt to trim up for my trip home. Let me tell you how nice salads are for lunch on hot days. They are really nice, because they are cold. No longer do I have to rely on 냉면 for a nice little cold lunch. I just have to bring a salad to school, throw it in the fridge, and bam, I've got a nice refreshing cold lunch.
This post brought to you by, "Holy shit, I don't have anything to do right now so I think I'll write about salads...
More next time.
Anyhoo (2nd anyhoo) last week I picked up a baguette from there because of the spaghetti that I made that day or the next. After a few days of being out in the open the baguette has gotten a bit crusty.
No problem!
Saturday I cut a few pieces of the baguette into squares, applied some olive oil, onion powder, salt, pepper, and threw them in the toaster oven. Viola....croutons!!!!!
Saturday I made a nice salad for lunch with the croutons, and did the same for today's lunch. I have been trying to eat salads for lunch for the last few weeks in an attempt to trim up for my trip home. Let me tell you how nice salads are for lunch on hot days. They are really nice, because they are cold. No longer do I have to rely on 냉면 for a nice little cold lunch. I just have to bring a salad to school, throw it in the fridge, and bam, I've got a nice refreshing cold lunch.
This post brought to you by, "Holy shit, I don't have anything to do right now so I think I'll write about salads...
More next time.
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