Sunday, January 30, 2011

Is it Wrong to Want to Burn Down my Neighbor's House?

Yes of course burning down my neighbor's house would probably be a bad thing....if there were people still inside of it. Here's the thing. There is a house next to my apartment building that tends to attract the most disgruntled people in Korea. It's either that, or the place has a demon. I do somewhat suspect a demonic presence which is why I dare not take a picture of the place. It's not that I believe in any of that stuff, I just want to be on the safe side.

Anyway. The house is this tiny little box that sits on the corner of the parking lot for a large apartment block. It's on an intersection, so naturally people mistake the corner for a place to put their cars...two sometimes three deep.

*Side track. If I ever have a trillion dollars, I'm going to build a few twenty story parking garages all over Korea. I'm not going to charge anything for people to use them - you charge as little as 10 won a day for something like that and people will still find excuses to park on the sidewalk next to the building - A special catapult system will be built into these garages. If anyone double parks or parks next to a wall inside of the garage creating only one lane of traffic, their car will be catapulted northward to the D.M.Z.

Back to the blight. The old tenants of the place used to run a gambling ring. I'm guessing it was a gambling ring because middle aged women used to show up at one in the morning and bang on the door yelling sister sister let me in. A few times you'd see men show up and yell stuff about getting their money back. Again it seemed to be a woman's only gambling den so I'm guessing that these were husbands who saw their 401Ks disappear. Well the cops showed up a few times with these folks and they eventually disappeared. This was a few months ago and I assumed that everything was alright.

And then tonight happened. I was doing something when I heard some screaming. I hear a lot of screaming outside and I'm always naturally curious. It's a Sunday night and there really isn't anything to watch on television. Sometimes the neighbors provide good entertainment on Sundays. I've mentioned this many times before but I saw a guy kill a dog with a hammer out my window, I guy attack his girlfriend or wife with a toaster, a guy attack his girlfriend or wife with cigarette, a mother attack some kid with a shoe...and then later another mother attack the same kid with Jujitsu.

So tonight I looked out my side window and saw some guy yelling Korean swear words off into the distance. Things were silent again and then I heard some banging. I looked out the window again and there was a lady holding onto a baby and banging on the door of my favorite house. She banged for about five minutes...the guy inside seemed to be playing possum. I looked out the window after things fell quiet and I saw that the lights were on. I stepped out into my veranda and I could hear screaming inside the house. The woman was yelling at the guy and the baby seemed to be crying.

I figure that if I just burn the place down people will stop moving into the place. I have a few theories about the house. Theory 1: It's owned by a gangster who rents the place out to his idiot friends. Theory 2: It's just an unlucky place. Theory 3: Demon or poltergeist that makes people go crazy.

I don't even know if the place will burn, it seems to be made out of metal.

Oh I just remembered. Last Saturday I woke up at 8:00 a.m. I went into my living room and had a small nap on the couch. I heard another guy yelling. I look out the window and there is a different crazy guy who I had seen before. I've seen this guy at a corner shop next to the bus station. He seemed like a nice guy then. He was drunk but he was telling me all of Korea's achievements. About how Samsung was #1 in something. I saw him again another time. He was bothering some high school girls. He offered to buy them chocolate. He saw me again and tried to bother me...I yelled at him in Korea...Leave me alone 괴롭히지마세요. I used respect language and he ran away. But last Saturday, there he was at 8:00 in the morning drinking soju and standing in the street and yelling at people. Luckily it was a lazy day for us, so we didn't leave the house until about 2:00, but he was still drinking and bothering people at least until half past one...I knew cuz I kept on looking out my window to check on him. I think it was the power of the house that made him come.

In conclusion. I don't actually want to burn the house down. I do want something to happen to it though. It's the human version of a Popsicle on the ground...I just collects insects.


Flint said...

I am surprised one of the freaks that go there didn't try and burn it down, or do it accidentally in a drunken stupor.

You should get some pics or video of it. :)

3gyupsal said...

As I said before, the place might be possessed. I think whatever is possessing it might enter my camera.