Sunday, March 13, 2011

My Top Ten Tips for Dealing with the Excruciatingly Temperate Weather of the Spring

Have you ever gone outside in the early spring and have just felt incredibly optimistic, because of the mild weather? I know that these good feelings of hope and joy can be a bit much to take as the magnolia blossoms give way to the cherry blossoms and the earth comes alive once again for spring, so I would like to present some suggestions for coping with temperate weather.

1. Pay taxes. There is no better way to bring down your spring spirits than to realize how little money you actually make. Also a good way to kick you while your down is to have a balance due on your taxes. So go outside, breathe that fresh air, and think "awe fuck I can't eat this month because I have to pay taxes.

2. Weigh yourself and find out that you are few kilograms heavier.

3. Climb a mountain when you are out of shape. You will feel good and tired later, but while you are climbing the mountain you might feel like shit.

4. Participate in Lent - even if you aren't Catholic. Give something up for no reason that might help Spring to feel a little less great.

5. Watch the news. There has been a lot of shitty stuff going on lately.

6. Read some Mayan prophecies. We only have one year left according to them.

7. Blog while trying to watch a movie. I put 10 things in the title of this stupid post and I have three more stupid things to write.

8. Give something up for Lent and then totally flake out on it. I gave up alcohol last Wednesday and had a beer on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.

9. Sunday night baby. Gotta go to work tomorrow.

10. Yes! number ten. No I shouldn't feel good about that. It's warm outside maybe I'll turn on the floor heater.

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