Monday, August 3, 2009

How to become a Wine Person

Ladies and Gentlemen there is a new type of alcoholic out there. They are called wine People. Wine people constantly live in denial to the fact that they are indeed alcoholics, but like to hide their addictions behind full bodied adjectives and metaphors.

In the field of Anthropology, Clifford Gertz enjoyed using the term "thick description," as a means of talking about culture. However, in the world of drinking, wine people like to blow smoke up listeners' asses by making comparisons of wine to things that people have never actually tasted before.

As I write this I am drinking a Chilean Syrah that boasts a "black current and blackberry balance with a spicy note."

I must admit that this wine tastes exactly like what I had for breakfast this morning, which was oatmeal with black currents and blackberries topped off with some cajun seasoning.

All kidding aside I wonder how many people sit around and eat black currents? I don't even know what one looks like. (Okay, googled it, and I always thought that those things were poisonous.)

At any rate, tonight, I ate some baked spaghetti and meatballs for dinner. It was okay. I'll describe the wine that I had with it in wine person talk.

Tonight's wine had the complex qualities of an Asian pear/Service berry fruit salad. Jesus Christ, what have I done with my life?

The aroma brings to mind cherry blossoms in the spring with the subdued overtones of the atmosphere before a rain. What went wrong?

Yet there is a subtle earthiness. Much like the earthiness I tasted when I woke up this morning outside a Baskin Robbins with faint memories of singing Elvis Presley's "Its now or never," to a duck.

All in all, on a seesaw shared between an apple cured smoked bacon and wild pheasant miso casserole the scales were tipped more towards the smoke house than the house of a home cooked Japanese comfort meal. Seriously if you see me you can pretend like you don't know me, I'd do the same if I were in your shoes.

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