New Rules!

New rule: If you are going to walk on an escalator, walk the right direction. I'm not necessarily angry at Koreans for breaking this rule, just the two geniuses who did so today. This morning I was at Homeplus pushing my son around. I was Half way up the escalator when this idiot woman decided she needed something else, so she started running down the escalator. This prompted me to issue an audible "Aw for fuck's sake." this story wouldn't have been remarkable had it not been for the fact that the very same thing happened about five hours later in a department store. This time my wife was with me and I was holding my son when this strapping young idiot twenty something decided to start running up this crowed escalator. Again I issued a very audible "aw for fucks sakes" but this time the guy tripped and fell on his face. He writhed around on the floor for a minute then found his balance and apologized as he exited. Later I realized that this created a problem for me since my son is trying to learn how to talk. I need to learn more patience in public. I tend to swear at people here more than I would back home. I know that a lot of Koreans know English swear words, but people aren't accustomed to getting sworn at for minor infractions of impoliteness or obliviousness, so they usually just pretend not to notice. But anyway I need to stop when I'm with my son.

New rule: Watch where you are going. I hate smartphones. People should get tickets for walking and texting. I think I may accidentally kill a Korean person sometime. I'm a J walker. Many times J walking is safer than waiting for the signal since occasionally people people don't stop at red lights. I'm also suspicious of the occasional flash of psychopathic racism that might send me to the hospital sometime while crossing in front of a car. Anyway when I J walk, I'm usually pretty good at watching the traffic. Meanwhile someone who is smart phoning away might end up getting hit by a car when their peripheral vision catches my movement and they assume that the signal has changed.

New rule: I've got headphones on I don't want to talk to you.

New rule: I appreciate your adulation of my son, but when you follow me and say that he is pretty in Korean, and cute in English, I'm going to run away from you.

New rule: Pay me when you say you will, I'm talking to you dong joong. Did an after school class for my old middle school. The class started in March and I didn't see any money until July. Even then it was after I faxed them a bill. 청구서, very nice word to know.

New rule: Stop saying bye bye. When people see my son with me they blurt out their best English at him. The kid's mom is Korean, and he was born here. One time in Dunkin donuts I ran into a friend from work. He was playing with my son when a gang of what looked like college Christians stormed the place. (There's a look to them, believe me, and they can usually speak English pretty well.) Anyway this one turd muffin who looked a bit like Sasquatch really thought it was important for a one year old baby to know that his name (Sasquatch) was handsome man. Wtf? Bye bye.