Sunday, July 24, 2011

On Getting American Citizenship for a Baby

I went to Seoul last month with my wife and son. We went there to get the little guy some American citizenship. It was pretty easy, you just fill out some papers and prove that your kid is eligible for citizenship.

If you have a Korean wife or husband it works like this: You have to be an American. You have to have lived in America for five years. Two of those years have to be after your fourteenth birthday. You can prove that by showing the people at the embassy your high school transcript.

Dear recent high school graduates, don't throw your transcript away, you never know when you might need that thing. Thanks to my record showing that I got a 40% on my ninth grade algebra final exam, my son is an American.

Barrack Obama was born in Hawaii. That's kind of a bummer. Birth certificates from American hospitals are some of the most lackluster documents I have ever seen. Mine looks like a fax. My sister's looks like an x-ray. My son's consular report of birth abroad is one of the most beautiful government documents that I have ever seen. It runs red white and blue pastels along side one of anti counterfeiting strips that you see in 100 dollar bills. My heart has never been as full of apple pies and purple mountain majesties as when I saw my son's proof of citizenship. Unfortunately, he can't be president, but he can be the secretary of state.

According to the movie 50 states and 50 days America has had two secretaries of state that have been born abroad. Henry Kissenger I knew, but I didn't know that Madeline Albright was born in Czechoslovakia, and she met big daddy Kim up north.

In sum...cherish your high school transcripts.

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