Thursday, December 23, 2010

Home Alone

I've watched Home Alone about 20 times in the past two weeks. I think that it is a pretty great movie. Not many movies are like Home Alone anymore.

Home Alone uses a lot of short cuts and different perspectives to tell the story. Movies now days don't seem to do that so much, and they rely too much on special effects. I don't like how home alone uses the same gag a few times in the same movie. I don't like how the same gags are repeated throughout the sequels too.

Home Alone 2 was okay, but it was basically Home Alone 1 in New York. Home Alone 3 was okay too. Home Alone 4 sucked ass. I didn't even see 10 minutes of the movie and I can tell you that it sucked ass. It had French Stewart.

French Stewart was funny in a few episodes of third rock from the sun, but the guy is just annoying. He played the part of Marv in Home Alone 4. Why the hell would anyone get that Hack to play Marv?

Anyway I have a few ideas for more Home Alone Sequels:

Home Alone 5, successful family vacation.
In this Home Alone, the McCalisters manage to take a vacation together and they don't leave Kevin behind. The Family members are all nice to each other and everyone has a great time.

Home Alone 6, The Tale Of Kevin McCalister's Son Ollie
In this episode, a grown up McCauley Caulkin plays the role of Kevin McCalister as an adult. Kevin now works for a security firm that designs obstacle courses to train soldiers. He also sells security solutions to banks and diamond depositories. Kevin has a son named Ollie who he devotes all of his attention to. He is also sensitive to Ollie's needs and listens to any troubles that Ollie has. Unfortunately, Ollie isn't as creative or as capable as Kevin was when he was a kid, so when the McCalisters take a vacation to Germany, and Ollie gets on the wrong plane and ends up in Moscow, Ollie is easily captured by the Russian mafia after he accidentally shoots a low level mafioso in the face with an AK 47. Ollie is then sold to a Russian meat packing plant that is owned by Harry and Marv who were sentenced to Siberia after they were caught by the police in Home Alone 2. When Kevin finds out about this he tries to take a bullet train from Germany to Moscow that breaks down. Kevin is the rescued by some Russian tundra people who transport him to the meat packing plant via sleigh and reindeer. Meanwhile, Ollie finds that he has a knack for meat packing and begins to see Harry and Marve as benevolent grand dads. When Kevin arrives he rigs the meat packing plant full of elaborate booby traps that Harry and Marv fall into. When Ollie sees his elderly adoptive grandfathers get hit in the heads with paint cans, and sees Harry nearly fall into a giant boiler for rendering glue, he convinces his father to cease and desist the torture. Kevin, Harry, and Marv finally come to terms with the destructive relationship that they had, and unite to beat back a contingent of Russian Mafia members who storm the meat packing plant to collect a debt from Harry and Marv.

Home Alone 7: Angels with Filthy Souls.
Chuck Norris plays 1930's gangster "Johnny McCalister," Kevin McCalister's great grandfather. Johnny uses tricks and his Tommy Gun to get what he wants.

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